I told people she doesn’t make dresses, which is true.

My question is, how can I support my daughter/son while clinging to my church?

confused mom: If your child identifies as a man, then he is not a “daughter/son” — but a son.

This gender transition is also a transition for you, and you should continue on this path using your child’s preferred pronoun.

As far as your church is concerned, this may seem like a complex doctrinal or cultural issue, but it is not!

You have a child. There are other churches.

I suggest that you take the time to learn about your child’s gender transition, and then share that knowledge with friends, family, and congregations over time. You don’t need to make a big announcement, but acknowledge the truth as you would other aspects of your child’s life to interested people. (The “tux” comment was an opportunity for you to say, “The reason my teenager didn’t wear a dress to prom is because he identifies as a man. “)

People may let you down – but please – don’t let your faith fail you!

If people at church respond poorly, you can assure them that you will pray for them to open their hearts. Then you should look for another place of worship.

Pflag.org offers great resources and advice for parents of transgender people.

dear Amy: You offered advice to a woman (” what if”), who was traumatized when a suicidal man deliberately ran into the path of her car.

You pointed to similarities between his experience and that of the train staff involved in these tragic incidents.

I am a locomotive engineer. I blew up a 20 year old boy in front of my train. The rational side of my brain knows it wasn’t my fault, but there’s no escaping the emotional shock.

It kept replaying over and over in my head for a while.

It gets better with time. She can rest assured that after a long time the emotional damage will fade.

Engineer: I hope that you – and anyone traumatized by an event like this – will seek therapeutic help to recover from the symptoms of your trauma.

A wealth of recent research on the lingering effects of trauma has led to new treatments that survivors like you may find helpful and healing.

Time helps heal wounds. But the more time treatment is even better.

Your professional organization or union should direct you to useful resources.

dear Amy: I understand the anguish of individuals seeking to contact (or are contacted by) previously unknown DNA relatives. I received an email about three years ago from my biological father.

I didn’t know what to do, because my mother always told me that he wanted nothing to do with me.

At the time, I was 59 and he was 79. I decided to say yes.

During our first conversation, my biological father apologized for not being a part of my life and took responsibility for his actions.

My parents were 18 when I was conceived. They were young and scared and made decisions they regretted.

However, it has been a blessing to text and talk on the phone, as well as meet in person.

He sent some handmade little gifts for me and his first great grandson.

All in all, it was great getting to know him.

My suggestion for people struggling with this is: don’t pass up this opportunity, it just might happen. If not, walk away.

Surprised: I’ve mentioned this many times (especially lately), but the ubiquity of DNA testing is compelling to everyone.

Each of us should try to anticipate the possibility of being contacted by DNA relatives. I agree with you that it presents opportunities, but a lot of people are understandably wary, because there are also risks to these connections. It’s not always easy to leave.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency